i'm not going to use this thing anymore. but i'm not going to delete it because i like to feel up to date on the goings on of your lives.
if anyone's interested, i started myself a blog here: http://yellowspider.wordpress.com/

that is all.

so you know the story of how i went to bamboozle and had my face torn off during AFI's set?
i just found this picture on my old computer. this was about a week after it happened, while i was using this prescription cream that's normally used for burn patients.
<a href="http://s2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/loveisagun32/?action=view&current=000_00093.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/loveisagun32/000_00093.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
just thought it'd be funny to show. since most people don't seem to realize the severity of the situation when i tell the story.
just imagine what it looked like right after it happened.

02.07.08
i'm ridiculous amounts of happy.

happy new year's everyone.

as you all know, i went to see circa survive and thursday at starland ballroom. kruegz and rich came with me, and we met up with anthony, ivy, and ryan. we all stood out in the freezing cold for over 7 hours waiting to go in. it was well worth it, because we all were right up front. i got the barrier. from seeing what was going on behind me, i would've definitely died had i not gotten such a good spot. so the first band came on, which was a surprise, cause everyone thought it was going to just be one opener, and then circa and thursday. this first band was called innerpartysystem. made me a fan right there, i'm listening to them right now. anyway, they played, gaslight played, and then circa came on. their set was amazing, and so was anthony. he definitely recognized kruegz from the other night, cause he spent most of the set singing directly to us. he hardly payed the rest of the crowd any attention. he grabbed both of our hands. then it was time to wait for thursday to come on. during this time i made friends with the security guard. he was being an ass to everyone, basically making fun of our crushed ribs against the barrier. i started talking to him though, cause i had no one else to converse with, and after he found out i went to the GWAR show there, he took a liking to me. everyone around me was begging for water, so he started to pour a little into their mouths. after a third of the bottle was gone, he looked over at me, said "for you" and gave me the rest. then thursday came on, which was basically the best thing in my life. geoff was hot as hell, and he came over to me, stared straight at me, and grabbed my hand (fingers laced) and held it for at least a minute, singing to me. then he stepped on the barrier and bent down to sing to me some more. we're obviously meant to be. they finished their main set, came back out and counted down to midnight, and then immediately went into jet black new year. best fucking thing ever. after they left, the nice security guard man got a guitar pic from the stage and gave it to me. lovelovelovethursday. we then all met up outside, and lured nick beard out to us. he talked to us for like, 20 minutes. he shook all of our hands (mine was especially long =D) and then ended up going back around and giving us all hugs. he's such a nice guy.

after, i planned on going straight to matt warhola's, but i ended up having to drive anthony, ivy and ryan to their hotel in north brunswick. ryan had to sit in my trunk, haha. i'm rpetty proud of myself, because since i couldn't figure out how to work dana's gps, i just sort of guessed, and i ended up getting them there no problem. however, this cause me to not get back to brick til around 3:30. i saved alyssa and we went to matt's where nothing was really going on. we left at 6 in the morning and went back to her house to sleep. i woke up at around 2, came home and showered, and now here i am.

i guess it was an okay new year's, as long as i don't focus on the fact that i was basically by myself.
at least this innerpartysystem EP i downloaded is really good.

so christmas was a bust. the only stuff i got that i liked was the stuff my aunt and sister bought me while i was with them. everyone else resorted to buying me clothing, which failed miserably. why ask for a list if you're not going to consider it? whatever. my grandma gave me $500 which will go straight to books for next semester.

 i saw juno with my aunt and it was adorable.






i hate being the back-up plan.
i feel so numb and so full of emotion at the same time.

my birthday is on tuesday, but i think i'm more excited about going to see Brand New on monday with shane. besides, i'm scheduled to work from 3 to 12 on tuesday. so it won't be all that eventful. i have yet to even begin buying christmas presents. the same thing happens every year. i have no money to do anything, so i end up using all the money i get for my birthday to buy gifts for everyone else. which sucks. if my birthday were at any other time of the year i would obviously not be spending my birthday money on shit for other people. but whatev. i have no idea what i'm going to be receiving.

i'm so ready for finals to be overrrr. i have to write a 6 page research paper on SOMETHING for my western civ II class. i have no idea what to choose. other than that, all i have is a short essay to do for anthropology and exams for the rest of my classes, and then i'm done.












i wish i could tell him that i'm just as interested (if not more) in exploring "those feelings". but i think that would make things awkward and weird so i guess i just need to sit tight and try to enjoy the friendship without feeling all of this extra stuff. he's doing his own thing right now, and i don't think i have any real chance with him anyway, even if the situation was a little different. i did think it was a little funny that his sister had the exact same thoughts on the subject as i did though.

i just really want to feel close to someone.

lately i've been having these really realistic dreams, and when i wake up i'm always completely dissapointed that they aren't real.
a word of advice to any guys reading this: don't tell a girl you like her just because you think its what she wants to hear. trust me, it hurts much worse than telling her straight out. especially if you tell her you like her and then completely ignore her for a few weeks. i'm starting to realize that i'm one of those needy, dependent girls i always despised. its just that lately i feel so empty and unemotional. i need someone to get excited over. i crave those cliché butterflies. i'm stupid and complaining and i need to get over myself.

a friend whom i haven't talked to in about 9 months called me the other day. we were so close it was practically disgusting, and i spent almost every day with the kid. then he started dating this new girl and she decided she wasn't comfortable with our friendship. he didn't speak to me for the entire duration of their relationship. he told everyone he hated me and never wanted to speak to me again. no explanation was given to me, he just suddenly stopped answering my phone calls. i got the hint, naturally. so then, completely out of the blue, he calls me. i invited him over so we could talk and whatnot. now, is it bad that i welcomed him with open arms, no questions asked? the truth is, i missed him more than anything. sure i complained and yelled, but it was all just to cover up the pain of losing my best friend. and once he apologized i was completely on board to get the friendship up and rolling. so much so, that he was even a little surprised by it. am i just a pushover who's desperate for friends? i don't know.

my birthday is in a few weeks. i'm not particularly excited about it. i actually forgot about it. then i saw the "employee birthdays" posted in the break room and remembered that it was december. i'm not excited for christmas either. i seem to spend most of my time working, yet i'm still completely broke. the only things i seem to get excited over are shows, and even then, somehow i end up being ditched and it ruins the whole thing for me. however, this is not to be confused with the bulletin i posted on myspace about the thursday / circa survive show. i wasn't ditched for that. i just seem to have acquired an extra ticket. and once again, if anyone is interested in going, let me know. either me or andy will be driving. and its at starland ballroom on new year's eve. i'm sure most of you won't want to sacrifice your new years eve to go to a concert, but i promise you'll have a good time.

i'm just all too ready for this year to be over. i'm excited for new classes. and i'm excited for this nice break we're getting. i could use a few days to just sleep and not have to deal with life.

so tomorrow i'm going into new york with dana, andy and possibly mathew. i'm very excited. i haven't been into new york just to be in new york in a long time. i want to go ice skating =D

the rest of this week is going to suck because they have me scheduled for way more hours than i normally am, BUT alyssa is arriving tomorrow and i'm pumped as hell.

next week is my three show in a row fest. i'm gonna be exhausted, and i can't wait.







i have a long history of being screwed over. looks to me like this case will probably turn out the same, but i hope to god it doesn't.

so, i saw motion city soundtrack the other day at starland ballroom, accompanied by matt warhola, my little sister, and her friend. this band called mae opened up for them. I FELL DOWN DURING THEIR SET. i've never fallen down at a show before, and i fell trying to protect my dumb little sister. basically, i had my back to the stage, cause i was holding up all these dumbasses. and they all fell backwards cause people are retarded. so there i am, holding up all this weight, and i was ok. until someone hit my legs out from under me. i was face down on the ground, and at least 4 people were sitting directly on me. i couldn't move my legs because the people were on them, and no one would help me up. i almost lost my shoe too. eventually i managed to turn over and grab onto some of the people that were standing and hoist myself up. but shit, i still can't believe i fell. motion city was okay. they played the future freaks me out. so i suppose it was worth it. 

now i have three shows in a row, and i'm pumped as fuqqq. i can't wait to see coheed, AND FALL OF TROY. and i needa buy my FATA ticket too. so pumped, so pumped.

i'm pretty content with life right now i suppose. not happy, but content. which i guess is better than nothing.

i'm so confused lately.
i keep finding myself regressing back into the sophmore year version of me.
i hardly sleep.

lately its been hard for me to keep my hands to myself, so if i absentmindedly grab your arm or get a little too close, just let me know.
i don't even realize i'm doing it.
i just need a little human contact.

i'm seeing motion city soundtrack this weekend.
my sister wanted to go, so in exchange for a ride, she bought my ticket.
i don't know if i'm looking forward to it or not.

i am however, looking forward to coheed at the end of the month.
then FATA on the 1st, brand new the 2nd, awful waffle on the 14th, and thursday / circa survive on new years.
so pumped.

sunday i went to saints and sinners. it was obviously a good time.
FATA basically killed me, almost literally.
apparently old FATA songs are unknown to today's fans, so for the second half of the set the crowd was basically quiet.
except for me, matt, andy, and joe screaming our lungs out, obviously.
fran recognized us for the true fans that we are, and decided it would be a good idea to step on us.
i don't regret his decision, however, because while he gained his balance in the crowd, he used my wrist to steady himself, and my shoulder to stand on.
ok fine, he ripped out my earing and it still hurts, but it was totally worth it.

glassjaw was amazing and i got to see my aunt's friend maria.
she informed me of a nice little HIM care package that should be arriving for me shortly.
pumped for that too :]

other then that, not much else is new.
this combination of work and school seems to be kicking my ass though.

SOME FUCKING ASSHOLE STOLE SHIT OUT OF MY CAR.
AND NOT JUST ANY SHIT.
MY FUCKING MUSIC. YOU DON'T MESS WITH MY MUSIC.
MY IPOD IS GONE, ALONG WITH MY ENTIRE CD COLLECTION.
THAT WAS PROBABLY ABOUT $700 WORTH OF CDS, PLUS THE $350 IPOD.
I'VE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE COLLECTING THOSE FUCKING CDS.
I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE IPOD, BUT MY FUCKING CDSSSSS.
ALL MY HIM CDS ARE GONE.
I HAD THOSE FUCKING SHIPPED TO ME FROM EUROPE BECAUSE IT TOOK THE U.S. SO LONG TO START SELLING THEM.
NOT TO MENTION THEY DON'T EVEN MANUFACTURE HALF OF THEM ANYMORE.
THEY'RE FUCKING RARE.
AND MY PLACEBO CDS.
SAME SITUATION. SPENT AT LEAST $25 FOR EACH OF THEM.
EVERYTHING. IS. GONE.
this is probably one of the most upsetting things thats ever happened to me.
i'm gonna go cry now.

i'm not even excited about seeing circa survive tomorrow anymore.

i never really understood before why people want to get really drunk.
but now i do.


does anyone want to attend either the misfits or type o negative with me at the end of october?
i need myself a metal head and i can only truly flirt with people at shows.
(and they're the only 2 upcoming shows that would draw that kind of crowd).









ps. GWAR WAS SO GOOD. i was scared i would die, but i didn't even need burry there to keep an eye on me.
i'm really pissed i've wasted so much time not seeing them.

i seriously don't even know what i'm doing.
i have all these feelings out of nowhere, and i don't know why.
why am i such a typical girl. i don't understand it.

OCC is okay. my classes are all pretty easy, i'm just a major slacker when it comes to homework.
they finally put me on a strict schedule at bed bath & beyond, which should help with my lack of sleep problem.
moday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday evenings i'm free unless i have homework. which probably means nothing.
monday i'm out by 5, wednesday by 5, thursday by 5, friday by 9, and saturday by 6. other than that, i'm working/in class.
now that my schedule has been publicized, i expect to see more of you. call me up, will ya.

the other night, it was about 12:10. i was doing 80 on 70. i didn't have my seatbelt on, and i was on my phone.
and my music was blasting. naturally a cop pulled up behind me, lights and sirens and all.
so i was scared shirtless. i start to slow down, and get over. and he friggin' speeds around me and leaves!
apparently there were traffic lights out and all the cops were rushing off to help.
if i had gotten pulled over, i DEFINATELY would have lost my license or something.

well, i guess i'll stop procrastinating now and write that paper, prepare that speech,  and type up those western civ assignments.

so i finally have my little gerbil.
he is currently housed in the critter trail revolution.
it's basically a huge wheel with a little floating living area.
as of now, he's too tiny to move the wheel much.
i named him bostwick.
who knows, maybe i'll get a second one and name him beaufort.


SCHOOL STARTS NEXT WEEK, HOLY SHIT.

so, i got my license. but my mom still does not feeeeel that i am ready to drive on my own.
so, i basically haven't got anything.

& i got a checking account.
my debit card will be coming in the mail within the next ten days.
then i need to buy my college books, & get my ID.

& i got a job at bed bath & beyond.
i start sometime next week. i think i'll just be cashiering.
it should be a nice job. & i'll be getting my paychecks directly deposited into my new checking account.

um, nothing else is really new.
let's try to go to six flags as much as possible before school, ok?
i haven't used my pass at all this summer.
& by next week i should be able to drive.

THREE WAYS I AM STILL JUST A KID
1. um, i love harry potter.
2. i watch spongebob occasionally.
3. i tell stupid stories that no one cares about.

THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD
1. i get my license on friday.
2. i work two jobs.
3. college is starting soon.

THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL GIRL
1. i won't go out without makeup on and my hair looking decent.
2. believe it or not, it takes me a while to pick out an outfit sometimes.
3. i like to dress up in dresses for special occasions.

THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL GUY:
1. ok fine, i dress like a guy.
2. i'm lazy as shit.
3. most of my friends are guys.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Isabella
2. Izz
3. Little Bella, lolooolololololl.


THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. loveisagun32.
2. metalmaniac88 DON'T JUDGE ME.
3. eyelovemxpx BAHAHAA.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. i'm not stuck up.
2. i'm pretty nice i guess.
3. i get along with almost everyone.

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. i'm real lazy.
2. i have no motivation anymore.
3. i really don't like me all that much.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. italian.
2. english.
3. french.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. scaring myself late at night.
2. jellyfish.
3. failing at life.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. cell phoneee.
2. $$$.
3. FOOD.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. and old shirt from my general stores days.
2. dress pants.
3. vansss.

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS:
1. Brand New.
2. Thursday.
3. Manchester Orchestra.

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. A Nervous Tick Motion of the Head to the Left by Andrew Bird.
2. Gatekeeper by Feist.
3. Woman King by Iron & Wine.

NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. driving.
2. getting wa5t3d.
3. go somewhere far away.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. trust.
2. SEX.
3. just kind of ignore me a little and let me do my own thing, okay?

TWO LIES AND A TRUTH:
1. my favorite color is secretly pink.
2. i want to go see i know who killed me.
3. i don't listen to music that much.


THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. thin and toned.
2. good hair.
3. HUGE DICK.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. work on my portfolio.
2. fold laundry.
3. shave my legs.

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. music.
2. reading.
3. i guess art.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. eat some non-parielles.
2. go swimming in the ocean.
3. go to 6 flags!

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. art director / layout designs
2. photographer.
3. art teacher.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON HOLIDAY:
1. italy againnn.
2. London.
3. new zealand.

THREE KIDS' NAMES
1. Stratton.
2. Devonny.
3. Theo.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. sky diving!
2. get married.
3. own a million huge dogs.

OK, SO HERE'S WHAT WENT DOWN.

yesterday was warped tour. alex and i got up really early and drove to ryan kreuger's house. we were planning on following them into camden so that we would all arrive together. we left at around 7:30.

we got there pretty smoothly; i had to direct ryan's dad through texts. apparently i now know my way around camden.  we get to the tweeter center at around 10.

on the way there i talked to my aunt. her friend had set it up so that i would be on meg and dia's (whoever the fuck they are) guest list, me +1, so that alex and i could get in for free. all i needed to do was bring ID. well, i forgot my ID. so needless to say, i was freaking out a little bit. but i decided to wait on the line and try for it anyway. i get up there and say meg and dia's guest list, and my name, and the guy says i'm not on there. he kind of gave me a little attitude, so the girl sitting next to him looks over and asks me who put me on. i tell her my friend maria, who works for warner bros. she looks back at the guy and says "next time something like that happens, don't say anything to them, ask me first. give her two tickets." I WASN'T EVEN ON THE LIST, I EVEN LOOKED, BUT I STILLLLLL GOT IN FOR FREEEEE. i was pumped.

so then we scoped out the stages and set times and whatnot. bought some merch, and found the circa survive tent, which we were pleasently surprised to see was occupied by nick beard. me and kreugz bought shirts, and took pictures with him. he was super nice. then alex and i got into the crowd for circa. they were really good (obviously) and by the end of the set, we had made it up to the bar. we then proceeded to wait for coheed. unfortunately we had to stand through the starting line's set, and if there's one thing i hate most, its stupid fucking girls. but whatev's, i just elbowed the shit out of them.

thennnnn coheed comes on. kreugz obviuosly has a photo pass, so he's chillin' inside the gate by the security guards, and then they come out. they opened up with welcome home, which obviously pumped everyone up. around then end of the set, claud's guitar amp or something stopped working, so he just ran around the stage and sang. even with the technical difficulties, it was still amazing. the crowd was INSANE. i've never seen so many crowd surfers all at once. i also had an elbow permanently stuck in my side for the entire set. if there's a second thing i hate most, its stupid fucking guys "protecting" their stupid fucking girlfriends. as for battle wounds, alex dislocated his shoulder, but he managed to pop it back in. i have a bruise on my arm.

so we get out of that ridiculous crowd, run over to tiger army, gaze at them for a bit, and then i make my way back over to the other side of the park with a drink for kreugz. we make it a point to sit near the bit of fence that is directly in front of coheed's tour bus. eventually we see mike, the bassist, and he talks to us. kreugz bought claudio spiderman comics, so he asks mike is he can find him and get him out there. he returns and says he can't find him, but we take a picture with him and are about to leave. then i see claudio walking out and start hitting kreugz to get his attention. unfortunately EVERYONE else sees him too and they all start running over.

"sign this!" "take a picture!"
"uh, i came out here to see someone. someone has something for me?"

he sees kreugz and walks over and starts talking to him. keep in mind that claudio's standing behind one of those portable fences, and there isn't any security around because technically he wasn't supposed to be there. so a little further down the fence, some guy charges at it, and bends it a little. claud yells over "what are ya doin'!?" and the guy kinda looks sick, so we assume he sort of fell into it and ignore him. claud starts taking pictures with everyone and signing shit, cause he's nice as hell and all. kreugz hands the comics over the fence for claudio, and just as he does that, the fucker from before charges the fence again, but this time directly AT claudio. everyone just kind of stares for a second, and i'm waiting for someone to pull him off. no one does it, so i step over and grab the guy's arm and start pulling. finally, some big guy with a friggin' walking stick runs over to help me, and tackles the guy to the ground. meanwhile claudio's screaming at him (claudio is a very scary angry man, so badass). the guy gets dragged away, and once again we resume taking pictures and whatnot. AND THEN THE FUCKER RUNS AND JUMPS ONTO THE FENCE. claudio shoves him off and tries to climb over the fence himself, trying to get at this guy, but then security finally runs out and asks what's going on. claudio tells them the fucker was trying to break/jump the fence. they get around and immedietly have the guy face down on the ground. they try to find out what the fuck he was doing, but he isn't saying anything. he refuses to move, so two guys just lift him by the armpits and carry him out. sadly, all the comics kreugz gave to claudio got ruined when the guy jumped at him, cause the guy grabbed them out of claud's hand. but claudio was fine, so it was all good. then me and alex left.

crazy warped tour, but obviously good as hell.

so the police were amazing. we were real far away though, i could only see anything because they had these huge screens set up. sting's son's band opened up for them. they're okay, and his son is really hott. thank god for those screens, haha.

i reread the 5th and 6th harry potter books before starting the 7th. collectively it took me about 30 or so hours to read all three. i read the 7th in one sitting. i think i'll start from the beginning again, just to let it all sink in, so that i can be at peace with the fact that harry potter is no more.

i finally got my new phone. it's nice. if you want me to have your number, leave it here. as of now, i only have the essentials programmed in.

so for the past few weeks my mom has been yelling at me because of my driver's permit. she claimed that i lost it, though i know for a fact that she had it in her possession. however, she insisted that we gather the points of identification and take a trip to the DMV to get a replacement. once there the woman said that one of the points wasn't acceptable, so my mom started digging through her file in search of something that would work. then she laughed and pulled out my original permit. this wouldn't seem like that big of a deal, but i'm supposed to be getting my license some time in august, and she refused to take me driving because i didn't have the slip of paper with me. she refused to "break the law". as a result i've had almost no driving experience. i've driven on the road twice. TWICE. my mom flipped over the permit after finding it and realized my road test was scheduled for august 2nd. she immediately rescheduled it for the 17th, after all, there was no way i would be ready by thursday. THIS IS ALL MY MOM'S FAULT. i was so pissed. i just want my license so i can get a job at bed bath & beyond. jesus.

i'm kind of excited for school to start. i've been such a slacker this whole summer and i really regret it, but oh well. i'll deal. and i'll place some of the blame on christine because she wouldn't take art classes with me in new york. its her fault i haven't been able to develop my figure drawing skills further. i need motivation. shit.

i was so desperate for something to do today i tried to get my sister to hang out with me. even she said no.

ride bikes with me plzplzplz.

just so you guys all know, i'm seeing slayer and marilyn manson in a few weeks, BAHAHAHA.

does anyone want to see the police?
i have an extra ticket. the show's on thursday. lemme know if you wanna goooooo.